haven't written in a while

So I figured I would. My life was a mess and now god's cleaned it up.
any more questions?

is it normal?

Is it normal to not want to forget everything that's happened in the past? I mean well, the past 2 1/2 months. I'm starting to get use to this, and I'm starting to read him & not try to push myself on him. When he says he needs to go and he'll talk to me later, I'm okay with that when before I'd pretty much force him to talk to me, i guess that's why him and i fought so much. He needed time to blast music and think and be alright. I just want to be there for him. I care about him, I like him, I love him.

I don't want to attempt to say "goodbye" to him ever again since I really don't like those words. I just want him to be encouraged and know that I'm real and me being there for him is real. I want him and I to be okay, even if we have to start over (which we pretty much did).

I guess I really just don't want to lose him for good.

it's been a year

Tomorrow.
March 24 1987 - February 22nd, 2009
David Daniel Dawson.
I miss you so much

Life's so hard

Without God by your side.
I've recently done a new survey
that when i don't go to church
I basically hang in the dangle of the world and God
and I usually Go with the worldly side.

I miss feeling close to God
and I miss my relationship with him

I'm tired of Defending what I've become

i want to believe in Love. I want to believe my husband is out there, but it's quite hard when everyone around you is getting engaged. I guess God is telling me that patience is key. That I need to trust him on this and actually give it to him. I just wish, I listened to him one before. I cannot believe I let the world influence me this time around. I'm not going to beat myself up about it, but i just wish I listened to God more than I have. I feel like i'm all alone in this mess. I feel like all my "friends" that once were are not there anymore. I need a vacation. I need to get away from a weekend without anyone knowing. I'm going to Pa next weekend to be with my aunt and cousins. Then for New Years, I'm heading to Chicago Illinois to be with my family out there. I just want to surround myself with my family. I feel like I'm loosing grip of everything I once knew. I guess it's one of those times where God decides to rip things out of you that will break you down instead of building you up. All I know is i want to start over. [: And I will. that's a promise